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For those unfamiliar with the genre, the Weird War genre is basically taking a historical war (in this case, WWII) and adding in fantastical or science-fiction elements (If you've watched Indiana Jones, read The Rocketeer, or played either Bloodrayne or Wolfenstein, basically that.)
1) A Jewish deathcamp prisoner attempts to make a golem to kill the Nazis and free his fellow prisoners. However due to unknowingly using clay that was infused with human ashes from the camp's furnace, the negative emotions corrupted the rituals and created a corpse gatherer instead.
2) A batch of dragon eggs is found in Wales. The British military already has plans on using the dragons as weapons against the Axis forces. Potential plot twist is the a Nazi spy has infiltrated the military and is planning on stealing the eggs.
3) The detonation of Trinity results in opening up a portal to another world (Biblical Hell, The Far Realms, or even the Forgotten Realms are all good choices).
4) The US military start fielding weapons that were reversed engineered from wreckage from a UFO crash in Roswell (I know the crash happened two years after the war ended, but work with me here.)
5) Nazi zombies... 'nuff said.
6) A allied soldier is struck by a bullet that lodges in his body. Shortly afterwords he begins hearing a voice in his head. The voice claims to be the bullet and it seems to know things that the soldier cannot of possibly known himself. u/PureLoop
7) A World War I battle is replayed by the ghosts of the dead that participated it, in the middle of a World War II battlefield, causing chaos and confusion among the living. u/PureLoop
8) A single time traveling soldier from after the war returns to prevent the loss of the Allied nations by assassinating Allied leaders. u/PureLoop
9) A poltergeist of unknown origins causes the deliberate misfiring of guns within the confines of rubble that used to be their school. u/PureLoop
10) In order to combat the recently developed biological weapon that is Nazi Zombies, American soldiers become unwitting test subjects of Lycanthropy. u/PureLoop
11) A meteor strikes the heart of a battlefield, causing an enormous explosion. From the crater countless bug like creatures swarm out and attack all living beings near by. Allied and Axis soldiers are forced into a cease fire to defeat the alien foe. u/PureLoop
12) A batch of bad rations cause nightmarish hallucinations for those that ate it. It soon becomes clear the that hallucinations were actually warped premonitions of the eaters fate in the war. u/PureLoop
13) Nazi scientist develop a cannon that ruptures the bonds that hold a soul in place. Unleashing it in battle they destroy an entire allied platoon in one shot, only to be violently torn apart by the vengeful souls. u/PureLoop
14) A decapitated head that appears to be still talking is found in the battlefield. When wind is passed over it's vocal cords it shouts a string of obscenities about Nazi scum and that it will take more than a tank to stop him. Unless the head is destroyed, the soldier remains alive. u/PureLoop
15) Death being overburdened by the war recruits a recently deceased soldier to act as his aid and help him gather the souls from the bodies. The soldier learns that if he does not lift the soul from the body of the mortally injured, they remain alive and in terrible suffering, and thus must choose who among his battalion he has to kill out of mercy. u/PureLoop
16) A Chaplin is the soul survivor of a battle between forces in a small french village. He speaks of a rapture by God who came down and smote all who participated in the heinous war. It comes to light that several of the dead at the battlefield were struck with tremendous force, and have bite marks on their bodies. Eventually it's discovered that the Chaplin was a vampire, though were he is now, no one knows. u/PureLoop
17) Nazi aquatic tanks and APV's suddenly appear on the beaches of Delaware, ushering and new front on the American coast. u/PureLoop
18) Two islands with separate operations occurring on them in the Pacific front begin moving towards one another before colliding. Both islands turn out to be massive sea creatures that then attack one another, utter destroying the armies above them. u/PureLoop
19) In Paris, several off-duty Nazi officers, drunk off of cheap wine, end up getting lost in the catacombs. They inadvertently destroy a shrine or glyphs, resulting in releasing several hundred angry spirits.
20) During the Battle of Hürtgen Forest, several American GIs and German stormtroopers end up becoming the target of a Wild Hunt.
21) A time-traveler, attempting to assassinate Hitler, is captured, and his technology is reverse-engineered to aid the German war effort.
22) The golem of Prague, left dormant until it was needed, is reawakened. u/I_walked_east
23) The head of Bran is buried under the Tower of London and protects England from invasion. The power of the head scuttled the Spanish Armada. Now Nazis plan to steal it in preparation for their invasion. u/I_walked_east
24) The ghosts of victims of Unit 731 are hunted by a sadistic band of exorcists. u/I_walked_east
25) The Spanish fascists find Durandal, the sword of Roland, that has the power to cut mountains. u/I_walked_east
26) The Nazis have captured Baba Yaga, who has been helping the Russian all woman 588th night bombers (aka The Night Witches) repel the German Invasion. u/I_walked_east
27) In the woods surrounding Los Angeles Nazi sympathizers know as the Grey Shirts perform dark rituals at a secret compound. u/I_walked_east
28) At the American naval base on Midway, Private Second Class Leeroy Beck’s last sight as he bleeds out through his slit throat is a Japanese soldier morphing into an exact copy of him, trying to hide a large fox tail within a duffel bag. u/Pretzelbomber
29) Charles de Gaulle was actually a necromancer the entire time, and manages to stall the Germans using the wandering souls of the catacombs. u/OctoyeetTraveler
30) In the face of invasion, occupation, and possible annihilation at the hands of the invading German forces, the elders of a Russian village send their bravest into the forest to meet with the fae folk to make a deal. Will the village be willing or able to pay the price for protection against the Nazis?
31) A Soviet submarine accidentally opens an underwater portal to the Elemental Plane of Water during a nuclear test. The crew must find a way to seal the portal and deal with the creatures that initially made it through. u/JollyGreenStone
32) Elves are found in the Black Forest. The Nazis conspire with the Elves: if the Elves can push back the Russians on the Eastern Front, they'll receive Ukraine and Belarus as a new sanctuary. The Elves agree because they see all humans as inferior and they believe after defeating Stalin they can defeat Hitler. u/JollyGreenStone
33) A mad Nazi doctor in a concentration camp creates lycanthrope soldiers who transform, kill the staff, and take over the village. Invading Allied forces have to save the camp's prisoners from the feral lycanthropes. u/JollyGreenStone
34) On both the Allied and Axis sides, soldiers find themselves unable to die. Made immortal by some strange force which causes them to cling onto death (despite suffering grievous injuries which refuse to heal) all they can do is keep on fighting. Both sides must investigate the cause behind this lest the war never end and devolve into pure, mindless slaughter. u/Sobek6
35) Midway through the war and despite previous reports, the German forces have suddenly gained an advantage. Using new weaponry and possessing new successful approaches to warfare they look set to be unbeatable. It turns out that Germany has finally cracked communications across dimensions and Hitler is receiving advice from alternate versions of himself. (Perhaps there’s room for a version of Hitler that never became the monster history remembers him as to become a potential ally?) u/Sobek6
36) In the Pacific Theater, planes on both sides have been suffering malfunctions on a near regular basis, with both sides accusing each other of sabotage. The malfunctions began after a battle on an unnamed island which ended up destroying a small shrine. Are the malfunctions truly the work of sabotage? Is it gremlins doing what gremlins do best? Or have the island spirits been angered by the desecration of the shrine?
37) The Nazis' occult sciences division have been designing an engine that can run off the souls of the deceased. An Allied spy has been attempting to stall development, but has been reporting that the soul engine is almost ready for deployment in the Russian front. A team must be sent in to extract the spy and either retrieve or destroy the blueprints and the prototype engine. u/Th3R3493r
38) In response to the Polish resistance weaponizing golems with help from kabbalists, the Nazis have been attempting to mass-produce their own golems. So far efforts have been stymied by uncooperative Jewish prisoners, who often sabotage the golems by either making them fragile or programming them to attack their masters whenever they hear German, and the Third Reich's distrusts of "Juden Witchcraft". u/Th3R3493r
39) Due the Japanese's ill-treatment of the Chinese dead in Manchuria, Qui Shen (Chinese wraiths) have been rising in droves and attacking the invading Japanese soldiers. The attacks were originally random, lately they seem to be directed in such a way to be as damaging as possible. Either an exceptionally powerful Qui Shen is leading the attacks, or a powerful fangshi (type of Chinese wizard) has gain control of the undead. u/Th3R3493r
40) Oni are operating as mercenaries in the Pacific theater, selling their services to the highest bidder (typically whoever can offer the best alcohol and the prettiest girls). u/Th3R3493r
41) Having perfected a powerful and easily portable shielding spell, Axis paratroopers are now dropped without parachutes. Holy_Hand_Grenadier
42) Hitler's invasion of England is under way, and the Royal Family has been captured or assassinated. In the country's darkest hour, King Arthur returns, wielding Excalibur. Holy_Hand_Grenadier
43) The UK discovers that the Loch Ness monster is really a plesiosaur and that the bottom of the Loch contains a portal to an alternate Earth ... where dinosaurs still roam. Can the British expedition recover enough resources from this resource rich world to aid the war effort? PutridMeatPuppet
44) The nazi's have perfected an Aryan ritual, thinking it will allow them control over destiny. It instead unleashes an avatar of the demiurge who is rampaging across both frontlines. stamau123
45) Almost an entire batallion of captured Enemy Prisoners of War all spontaneously go catatonic, and then collectively, robotically, begin reciting biblical passages in Olmec, backwards for 3 hours, and 3 minutes every 27 hours and 27 minutes. Every prisoner repeats a different selection of passages and refuses to eat or drink, returning to a catatonic state between cycles. When sedated, additional prisoners fall catatonic and begin chanting where the others left off... those that die continue to move, unless cremated, at which point a new prisoner joins the chorus. MaxSizeIs
46) The metal inside every shell, shell casing, and bullet in Easy Company's ammunition train spontaneously liquified, pooling at the bottom of the containers. The explosives inside were undisturbed. The logistics crew tasked with guarding the train were all struck with dissociative hysterical blindness. MaxSizeIs
47) The local sex workers in the villages nearest the front speak of "La Dame sans merci" wearing a shimmering gown of purest black silk and with a touch capable of freezing a man to death instantly. There have been nine corpsman found dead from an unknown cause within the last 27 days, locally. The sex workers claim it to be her work. MaxSizeIs
48) Our soldiers report sightings of spectral cavalry riding ghost horses during the last battle. The knights wore feathered wings upon thier back. They wiped out all but one member of three platoons, who report as witness. The witness beleives the men were all slashed to death with swords and spears. Autopsy supports this statement. MaxSizeIs
49) An Allied Radio Operator for the 589th Field Artillery Battallion reports receiving requests for artillery strikes calling for a fire mission directly on the calling unit's position a full 24 hours before said unit had actually arrived in the combat zone. The radio-man and a second operator on duty reported details of the battle they heard accurately, before the events actually occured. MaxSizeIs
50) Bomber crews report sightings of unlit and unflagged "Black Bombers" joining thier formation shortly before bombs are dropped, sometimes doubling thier numbers in formation. Missions where such sightings have occured have a 56% higher loss rate than those without these sightings. MaxSizeIs
51) After several hours of listening for enemy radio activity during bouts of heightened ionospheric activty, a handful of Radio Operators develop obsessive compulsions to scrawl out the strangely shaped Hexagramatic runes contained within several Elder Signs. The operators continue to repeat the glyphs until thier fingertips wear off to bloody stumps. MaxSizeIs
52) Eighteen enemy soldiers fall ill and die after desecrating a shrine to an obscure saint in a tiny church a few miles behind the front-lines. A special forces unit of crack troops crossed the lines to help meet and retrieve what they found, only to report the incident. Three of those soldiers found dead were our boys under-cover or were double agents. Just what did they uncover? MaxSizeIs
53) The boffins coming out of SRI in Menlo Park (known in certain circles for powerful 'psychotronic research') have requested OSS (the precursor to the CIA) support for something they're calling Operation MOON WICKET. OSS explains, they need a platoon of soldiers near the front-lines to sit inside a dark water tank for days on end under specific conditions outlined in the mission parameters and to be strictly adhered to! (The common soldiers are to report on thier psychic experiences, despite up until now, never having heard the words: 'psychotronic research') It is critical that the unit's position not be discovered until after the operation has been completed, after which an elaborate counter-intelligence ruse will be perpetrated to obscure any hint of the research-site. The soldiers are told that this is to be their R&R, but the rules are stricter than normal, and punishments for breaking these rules are severe. (Not much of a R&R, if you ask the soldiers, and as the enemy draws closer, internal tension are high.) The OSS spooks, on the other hand, have been told that should the research not be completed before the enemy locates and overruns the village, that the enemy must not be allowed to take any prisoners, alive or dead; whatever the "or dead" part means, the spooks aren't sure. (The pressure is getting to them, which one will crack first?) MaxSizeIs
54) Under orders from the OSS Black branch, upon retaking of the city by US 5th Army Infantry forces, available units must clear out Nazi holdouts in the sewers beneath the Temple of the Magna Mater in Rome, and secure the contents of the temple at all costs; but instead find an infestation of Ghouls, some in SS uniform and armed with automatic weaponry, and seem to be able to dissapear in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately the temple was already looted by the Nazi Karotechia. The contents of the temple could no doubt give the Nazis tools to turn the tide, (should thier occult research be as advanced as the Allies) and possibly allow them to retake much of the ground lost since D-Day. It is imperative that the contents of the temple prior to the Nazi looting be verified in order to gain an understanding of Nazi capabilities. MaxSizeIs
55) According to your most recent orders, Allied Army Airforce planes carrying vital one of a kind equipment, and research personell to support General Chiang Kai-shek in the Chinese Theater's War Effort, crashed somewhere over "The Hump" (The Eastern Himilayas) due to enemy air patrols that shouldn't have been there, according to intellegence. A brief radio message has gotten through, confirming the safety of the pilots; you have been tasked with establishing a hasty expedition to retrieve them and the "package". It is the depths of winter, prey that you and your men do not encounter the dreaded Yeti, or the armed occult forces protecting the secrets of Hidden Shangrala and Kublai Kahn's Pleasure Domes from outsiders; both secret and unknowable threats to a Westerner. MaxSizeIs
56) Dr Moreau's research has been wholeheartedly adopted by the Soviets, creating an entire Regiment of Hybrid Ape-men shock-troops, with Never-Before-Seen Heavy Mechanized-Infantry Weapon systems of a design more advanced than even Axis or Allied Scientists could devise. The truth is, these forces arrived from an alternate future; stop the inciting event from forming a closed-timeloop, and the never-ending fountain of Ape-troops and Super-Science Materiel might stop, and prevent a Future Soviet Union from winning the Cold War (even now a Distant Nightmare Vision in the minds of Allied Oneiromancers; worse even than an Axis victory!) MaxSizeIs
57) Something is destroying Japanese submarines in the pacific at a frightening pace. American warships, equipped with a new sonar technology, have detected an enormous signal that appears to be biological in nature. The size and speed have caused the scientists to speculate about the old stories of giant squids or kraken. PutridMeatPuppet
58) In 1930, Albert Einstein discovers that he is the second reincarnation of Isaac Newton, after a chance encounter with a Romani spiritualist and in the process discovered that Gauss was the first. Guided by his former life's work with Alchemy, he develops the theory on the General Equivalence of Energy Exchange and Matter Creation and launched the search for a rigorous understandings of the underpinnings of High Energy Magicks. In his research, in 1933 Weimar Germany, he is contacted by a war-weary version of his future self, who convinces him he must defect to the United States to avoid a horrific fate. The OSS Black Branch has tasked you, a local operative undercover in Europe to extract Einstein and see him safely to the States; except the current year is 1945; The Black Branch has cryptically warned you that Einstein has been killed sixteen times over numerous timelines, and that it is imperative that he remain unharmed in this one... will the reality of the multiverse tear your sanity apart? MaxSizeIs
59) At sundown on the autumn equinox, 1940; a plucky 20-something female Home Guard volunteer, who up-until-now had not revealed that she was a Witch, managed to hold off a scouting party of at least one Company of German forces in the early days of Unternehmen Seelöwe (Operation Sea Lion), outside the small coastal village of Pepperinge-Eye near Dorsetshire. Her defense bought the small village time to evacuate, (unsupported due to a massive, coordinated assault across the Southern Coast of England by the invading Germans, leading to a general evacuation known as Operation Dynamo II) and for three days and nights engaged the enemy long enough for scattered elements of VII Corps and the 70th Independent Infantry Brigade to arrive. Should the undermanned, undertrained, and under supported Guerilla forces of VII Corps, fail in their defense of the fighting retreat London could have been lost during the Siege. Instead, she (and as it later turned out, other members of the New Forest Coven) helped to bog down the Nazi advance all along their advancing front. Marylinn Myrddin Eglantine-Price was awarded Conspicuous Gallantry Medal for her actions in the battle called "Bedknob Hill". Witnesses report extensive wreckage consisting of household and kitchen items said to be "floating in the air on their own and holding Jerries prisoner, afraid for their lives", as well as dozens of flags and even one bullet-riddled suit of plate-armor! MaxSizeIs
60) An Australian Division has been capturing and training bunyips and releasing them in Asian Jungles for use against the Japanese. Allied forces are instructed to say 'lollipop lick liquor lover like Lillihammer' or anything with a lot of 'L's in it if you hear a bark that sounds like a dog mixed with a walrus as the Japanese forces who do not practice usually do not say 'L's correctly. They are stealthy as the grave and have been seen killing crocodiles with ease. Th3R3493r
61) The Nazi SS Occult research and development have made a "perfect" machine gunner. It is an abomination made of sewn flesh that can hold two hundred kilograms of bullets, two modified MG-42s, is armored to take a large quantity of small arms fire without losing momentum. It lacks a head but has three eyes in their aiming upper arms to aim each gun independently and two sets of arms to reload and fix the machine guns. Where they are getting the bodies are theorized to be one willing living subject and at least 3 undamaged dead bodies. They are questionable loyal to the units and are known to kill friend and foe alike who crosses their lines of fire. Th3R3493r
62) In the early days of the war, both the Germans and Allies made extreme advancements in Optics, driven perhaps by research into early radar prototypes. Progress was also fueled by the need to predict airstrikes before they occur, and the promises of early stage resarch into Applied Occult Prognostication, for both sides. By 1941, two independent programs, codenamed MÍMISBRUNNR and BARONSATURDAY, by the Germans and Allies respectively, were of sufficiently advanced stages as to be applied to the war effort directly. Independently, both sides had realized the importance of extensive pharmaceutical and surgical modification. Should the subject survive the chemical treatments, and surgery, of which denucleation was one important step, the resulting high rates of insanity and chemical dependency eventually led to a curtailment and confinement to asylum of members of both programs before the end of the war. A friend of yours has undergone this procedure, has foreseen the results, and begs you to help them escape their fate. MaxSizeIs
63) War is at a stalemate, both sides are looking for a way to open up new a new front. This brings them to the under dark where both sides try to sway the drow empress to join them. As the drow contemplate wheter to join one side or the other both british and german covert agents wage a shadow war even the drow can't see. AllSeeingCCTV
64) Early on in the war, Himmler and the Thule Society accidentally stumbled across a ritual which allowed them to open portals to other universes. Now the Nazis find their forces bolstered by fascist doppelgangers and malevolent/sympathetic alternative versions of members of the Allied Forces. Rumour has it Hitler himself often seeks audience with a council of versions of himself. Sobek6
65) The Allies begin formalization of a Magician Corps, from priests and rabbis who demonstrably and reliably performed miracles, to so-called "witch doctors", women accused of witchcraft, and American natives rumored to wield their own magic. Some of them don't really have anything truly mystical, while others find that their miracles and magics work so fundamentally different as to interfere with each others' workings. Meanwhile, the Thule Society under Nazi Germany has been regularly unearthing artifacts, which the leadership orders utilized in the war effort without attempting to properly understand each one, leading to mixed and unpredictable results. archDeaconstructor
66) A detachment of advanced Nazi submarines begins raiding the American coast, beaching under the surf and releasing nixes trained as amphibious soldiery. America has its own amphibious horrors as well, though- the Deep Ones, finding their hidden holdings threatened by this new battleground, begin their own off-the-books contributions to the war. archDeaconstructor
67) A shadowy wraith levitates the Shah of Iran and severs his head from his body in broad daylight, days before what would have been the invasion of Iran by Soviet and Allied forces. It is recognized as a kind of specter typically employed by British magicians, and so the full, if still outdated, military might of Iran mobilizes as quickly as it can. It is still crushed, but the Shah's supporters manage to lionize his legacy in the national eye as someone who would have created a more independent Iran up until his death at foreign hands. archDeaconstructor
68) Stregherian witches in both New England and Old Italy call upon their deities to nourish and poison, to send storms and fair weather, and to bring luck and fair fortune to the boys they send to the front lines. archDeaconstructor
69) In the chaos of battle, rifts in time release warriors from centuries past and future. In the Vienna Offensive, Mongols spill out onto the streets and further compound civilian casualties in the confusion. A lone jet fighter from the Pan-Pacific Union spontaneously appears over Japan with weapons white-hot, accidentally taking out two bombers from the Doolittle Raid with charged-particle weaponry before fatally crashing into a third, causing America to mistakenly believe Japan's air superiority and readiness even more powerful than they thought. Small numbers of Ottoman Janissaries are inexplicably found in Greecian cities, helping resist the Italian invasion and later dying to a man in Nazi occupation. archDeaconstructor
70) With British psi intelligence offices having cracked the Enigma code, Alan Turing is brought onto a long-term project few minds have the aptitude for- the development of automated soldiers that could end not only this war, but any war Britain would have to prosecute after. archDeaconstructor
71) Two black American infantry battalions are subjected to vampirism and lycanthropy, respectively, as an initial assessment of the effectiveness of each on logistical, tactical, and strategic levels. There's no way even a word of this can be leaked to anyone back home, though, so they're sent on only the most dangerous, far-reaching covert missions, becoming the bogeymen that every Axis soldier fears. archDeaconstructor
72) The dying Great Clans of Mars can wait no longer, and regrettably must colonize the Earth before the global life support railwork collapses and kills every last Martian. Long-distance radio signals are picked up from Mars, indicating in over thirty Earthling languages that the Martians will offer full military support to whichever faction of primitives can guarantee the most land to the Great Clans. archDeaconstructor
73) Rumor starts spreading about the "seven for one deal"; if you find a pistol magazine with bizarre symbols and untranslatable words on it, load seven rounds, and insert it in your pistol, each of those seven rounds will strike true if it is any way physically possible for them to do so. But after the 7th round is fired, fatal calamity instantly befalls the shooter. Vote_for_Knife_Party
74) Good news: the Army isn't putting saltpeter in the rations to dull your libido. Bad news: they're putting experimental mood adjusters in the rations to get you to associate violence with pleasure, and the squad machine gunner keeps giving you this look while he cleans his weapon... Vote_for_Knife_Party
75) There are no atheists in foxholes, but there sure are a lot of accidental devil worshippers. Demons are having a field day going from fighting hole to fighting hole, ready to cut a deal for survival. Sure, you'll survive the battle, but in the heat of the moment did you think to specify how long? Vote_for_Knife_Party
76) In the highlands of SE Asia, Japanese troops have forced Chinese and British troops to fall back. But something that lives in those mountain passes of the SE Himalayas is mauling the Japanese soldiers at night ... and locals are mentioning the term “Yeti”. PutridMeatPuppet
77) Theories of a Hollow Earth are partially true. Although the Earth is not truly hollow, its more like Swiss cheese with tunnels traveling deep underground and undersea ... and it opens up a new front in the war as both sides scramble to explore these tunnels and move troops thru the core of the Earth to strike at their enemies on the surface. Things take a turn for the weird when both sides encounter species native to these underground travel routes... PutridMeatPuppet
78) An increasingly paranoid Joseph Stalin seeks to recreate the rituals of Koschei the Deathless and become immortal. He has begun to harrase the tribal peoples of Siberea in an attempt to force the secret from them. Patchwork18
79) First contact has been made, and the aliens want... Entertainment? Turns out that they view war as a spectator sport, and start giving out advanced technology to the armies that amuse them the most. Do you try and win their favour? Or perhaps someone should stop them before the war becomes the apocalypse! deadgaiko
80) One day, without warning, every projectile weapon on the planet ceases to function. Guns jam, bombs explode before deployment, even bow strings instantly snap! Chaos ensues as battlefield tactics are forced to adapt. Weeks later, delayed intelligence reaches both sides: The neutral state of Vatican City have discovered a powerful artifact with reality-bending powers... deadgaiko
81) Fiji mermaids are real. They're a boogeyman while out in the Pacific, feeding off those sleeping. The Axis powers are really interested in capturing one alive: They're venom is known to have strange hallucinogenic properties. Thepipe90
82) There is rumors of a circus roaming the Europeon countryside; putting on shows for whoever will take them in for the night. Allied brass thinks they are a bunch of spies. The truth is much worse: The circus is made up of damned souls. The firebreather can do more with fire than just breathe it,The strongman can flip a tank like an end table, and the clowns are ACTUALLY fitting into those tiny cars. All that makeup? Not just to make them look cheery and silly.... Thepipe90
83) The SS’s pagan worship has awakened a lovecraftian eldritch horror TheMarvelMan
84) It turns out Hitler is an alien with immense mind control powers who has hypnotized the axis into starting the war so the world will descend into chaos so it cannot effectively resist the incoming alien invasion. AndreTheSalty
85) Allied scientists unlock humanity's psionic potential. Thanks to a injected serum specially chosen and selected members unlock the power to read minds, throw objects with the power of thought, control others like puppets, and cause enemy's heads to explode. This advantage allows the allies to make huge advances however the germans manage to reverse engineer the serum, giving it to their own men. This results in the war becoming even more brutal and bloody as these psi troops are produced in increasing numbers. AndreTheSalty
86) Rumors of monsters attacking the Japs in a occupied Philippines has reached the ears of the emperor. They kept saying words like 'aswang', 'duwende', 'magkukulang', and 'tikbalang' among other words that seemed to be more stranger than the next. CAvenir
87) The back of soldiers dog tags suddenly display the name of the person who will kill them. The trouble is, not all of the names belong to enemies. HarshMillennium

The New Generation of Self-Created Utopias As so-called intentional communities proliferate across the country, a subset of Americans is discovering the value of opting out of contemporary society.
Ransom (a pseudonym) Heath, 42, and Eric Johnson, 36, on their way to feed the pigs at the East Wind intentional community in the Ozarks. Ransom (a pseudonym) Heath, 42, and Eric Johnson, 36, on their way to feed the pigs at the East Wind intentional community in the Ozarks.Credit...George Etheredge By Mike Mariani Jan. 16, 2020
THE EAST WIND COMMUNITY is hidden deep in the Ozarks of southern Missouri, less than 10 miles from the Arkansas border, surrounded by jagged hills and tawny fields. Getting there requires traversing country roads that rise, dip and twist through chicken-wire-fenced farmsteads and grazing pastures cluttered with rusty agricultural equipment until you reach 1,145 acres of largely undeveloped highland forest, where cedar, oak, pine and mulberry create a dense canopy. Beneath that are 27 buildings and structures, including four large dormitories, nine personal shelters, a kitchen and dining facility, an automobile shop, a nut butter manufacturing plant and a cold-storage warehouse, all built over the years by the community since its founding in 1974. Outside, farm animals — six piglets, 50 chickens, several dozen brown-and-white cows — crunch through the carpet of winter leaves.
Nearby, a pair of women make their way down a muddy field, one pushing a wheelbarrow, to a weathered-gray wooden barn where they’ll draw gallons of milk from their dairy cows. A reedy man with a long, sandy mullet presses a chain saw to the base of a tree trunk. People stop each other on the dirt paths, asking about the understaffed forestry program, or recounting anecdotes about going into town to sort through credit card charges. Everyone has somewhere to be, yet no one is hurried. There are no smartphones in sight. The collective feels like a farm, a work exchange and a bustling household rolled into one, with much work to be done but many hands to be lent.
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Continue reading the main story Image Aubrey DeLone, 31, harvests kale from a community garden.Credit...George Etheredge Image Milk drips onto a dairy cow's hoof.Credit...George Etheredge East Wind is what its 72 residents call an intentional community, a modern descendant of the utopian colonies and communes of centuries past where individuals share everything from meals, chores and living space to work, income, domestic responsibilities and the burden of self-governance. The term intentional community dates to the late 1940s, when the Inter-Community Exchange — an organization formed in Yellow Springs, Ohio, in the wake of World War II to help promote peaceful, cooperative living arrangements (in the hope of eradicating war altogether) — changed its name to the Fellowship of Intentional Communities; the founders felt the new title better conveyed the deliberateness with which these groups were assembling. The members of East Wind, for example, range in age from infancy to 76: Some have lived here for more than three decades, but around half of the population is part of a new wave, people in their late 20s and early 30s who joined in the last four years. These newer residents moved to East Wind to wean themselves off fossil fuels, grow their own food, have a greater say in how their society is run and live in less precarious financial circumstances.
According to Sky Blue, the 39-year-old executive director of the Foundation for Intentional Community and a former member of the Virginia-based commune Twin Oaks, which was founded in 1967, the number of intentional communities listed in the FIC’s directory nearly doubled between 2010 and 2016 (the last year the directory was published), to roughly 1,200. Although the number of people living in these communities is hard to pin down — the demographic is often deliberately off the grid — Blue estimates that there are currently around 100,000 individuals residing in them. “There’s an obvious growth trend that you can chart,” he said; millennials “get this intentional community thing more than people in the past.”
Image The road winds through open prairie en route to East Wind.Credit...George Etheredge Image Chris Turner, 27, walks the community’s vast property, which encompasses 1,200 acres.Credit...George Etheredge Image Don Rust, 69, assembles a rope sandal for East Wind’s sandal company, Utopian. Rust has lived in the community for more than 30 years.Credit...George Etheredge Image Austin, 24, blends in with the Ozarks’ autumn leaves.Credit...George Etheredge THE UNITED STATES HAS been a laboratory for experiments in alternative living since its founding. The English Puritans and Pilgrims who, wishing to escape the oppression and persecution of the Church of England, fled to America in the early 17th century to create smaller societies where they could live according to their faith were followed, notably, by the Transcendentalists in 1830s New England, who sought to distance themselves from the ruthlessness of the Industrial Revolution and instead lead a life driven by Romantic ideals.
In 1841, George and Sophia Ripley, Unitarians inspired by that Transcendentalist ethos, bought a 188-acre parcel of hills and pinewood forests in the West Roxbury neighborhood of Boston, where they started one of the country’s earliest and most influential utopian communities, called Brook Farm. To fund the project, the couple created a joint stock company with 10 other initial investors; they sold shares for $500, promising investors 5 percent of annual profits, which they hoped to earn by selling handmade clothing, collecting tuition from a private school run by Sophia and offering tours to curious outsiders for a small fee. George even wrote to Ralph Waldo Emerson, the founder of Transcendentalism, in 1840, in hopes that the movement’s putative leader might join or otherwise invest in his social experiment, arguing that, at Brook Farm, “thought would preside over the operations of labor, and labor would contribute to the expansion of thought” in order to achieve “industry without drudgery.”
Because Brook Farm aspired to so many goals — abolishing the class system, promoting gender parity, dividing labor equitably, privileging intellectual and leisure pursuits, promoting self-improvement — it attracted social reformers and early feminists, theologians and authors (Nathaniel Hawthorne was a founding member). Though it peaked at just 32 people and was officially shuttered in 1847 after being devastated by debt, smallpox and a fire, it became an American model for subsequent utopian projects. Over the following decades, more communities, including the Amana Colonies in Iowa and the Oneida Colony in upstate New York, served as sanctuaries from materialism and modernity. By the early 1900s, though, many of these had collapsed under the weight of financial pressures, ideological strife and tensions between the fantasy of social enlightenment and the realities of manual labor and working-class living conditions.
It wasn’t until the decades after World War II, when large numbers of Americans began questioning their nation’s sociopolitical and environmental policies, that the desire to create alternative societies was renewed, leading to the “hippie communes” that would become indelible features of the 20th-century cultural landscape. Places like Strawberry Fields in Southern California, The Farm in central Tennessee and Drop City in rural Colorado encapsulated the radical freedom, social experimentation and consciousness expansion that came to define the 1960s and 1970s. By borrowing openly from the psychedelic movement, artist collectives such as Ant Farm, Fluxus and Art Workers’ Coalition, as well as subcultures like the Merry Pranksters, the Nature Boys and, too, the rising environmentalist movement — some of which had emerged in response to the Vietnam War — these new communes tapped into an iconoclastic strain of society that embraced socialist ideals and Eastern philosophical tenets (including detachment, spontaneity and pacifism), rejecting many of the prevailing middle-class values of the time, including the primacy of the nuclear family and the zeal for conspicuous consumption (upon joining The Farm, for instance, all members took vows of poverty). Many of these communes, lacking any codified organizational structure and struggling to cultivate steady income, eventually faltered, but they had already achieved a kind of dubious cultural immortality, ultimately becoming the nation’s measure for the alternative living arrangements and utopian enterprises that followed.
Image Mardock, 38, puts his hand on the head of a recently slaughtered cow at FooPin, East Wind’s processing facility.Credit...George Etheredge Image Mariah Figgs, 20, and her partner Kris Gilstrap, 29, stand in front of their personal shelter.Credit...George Etheredge
WHILE HIPPIE COMMUNES have become a cliché, their DNA has nevertheless been passed down to some of today’s intentional communities. Consider Cedar Moon, tucked inside a state park on seven acres of farmland near the outskirts of Portland, Oregon. Up until 2004, the property was rented out to a rotating cast of free-spirited artists, activists and musicians, who lived in two old-growth timber-frame houses. When a developer offered the owner $1.5 million to convert the land into a housing development, longtime residents banded together to save it from a fate that would not only have left them homeless, but was antithetical to their values. In February 2005, 16 residents raised $125,000 in a month to buy the developer’s option contract — effectively removing the immediate threat — and then scrambled to secure the $1.5 million required to buy the property (nearly half of which, ironically, came from bank loans) over the next year.
In addition to the two original houses and a ramshackle barn, the property now consists of a sauna, yurt, outdoor kitchen, performance stage, composting-toilet outhouse and elaborate, brightly-painted gazebo that the 20 residents, who built everything themselves, call the T-Whale. Several of the structures are made of cob, a composite of clay, sand and straw that was popularized in England in the late Middle Ages and is extremely energy-efficient because of its high thermal mass. Almost everyone earns income outside of the community — Cedar Moon is not technically a commune according to the FIC definition — and current members, primarily people in their 30s and 40s and their children, include several teachers, a therapist, a director at a nonprofit and an accountant. While everyone keeps their finances separate, they share groceries, appliances (there’s one washer and dryer) and operate based on consensus. “It’s such an anticapitalist thing, just to share,” said Brenna Bell, an environmental lawyer who lives there. “Our economy relies on growth. It relies on people consuming. And we are going very intentionally in the opposite direction.”
Members must contribute 10 hours of labor each week, which might include tending the apple orchard, milking the herd of goats or cooking for the community (living expenses total around $600 a month). Cedar Moon isn’t off the power grid, but its residents have a dramatically smaller carbon footprint than the average American because they share resources, grow much of their own produce, use composting toilets and heat their homes with wood-burning stoves. Vinnie Inzano, a 30-year-old graduate student in marriage and family therapy, moved to Cedar Moon a year and a half ago because he didn’t want to be “plugged into systems that are causing collapse,” he said; he feels the community offers a better way of coexisting with the environment, “combating the story of extraction.”
Earthaven, which consists of 329 densely forested acres within North Carolina’s Blue Ridge Mountains, and was founded in 1994 by 18 people in their 30s and 40s, takes sustainability even more seriously. The community of roughly 100 people, which member Chris Farmer described as “overeducated suburban refugees,” is entirely off the grid. Several solar panels, a micro-hydropower system and smaller photovoltaic installations scattered throughout the property’s hills provide all the necessary energy for residents, who are divided into 11 smaller neighborhoods, each with anywhere from one to 14 homes made of earthen plaster, straw bale and lumber felled on the land. Rachel Fee, a 39-year-old herbalist, moved to Earthaven in 2017 after five years living outside Asheville, N.C. She wanted a more communal lifestyle that fit her ideals and didn’t push her to work relentlessly; here, she’s no longer “inundated with the idea that productivity is your self-worth,” she said. But Fee was also clear that her living arrangement was uniquely challenging, requiring a willingness to fully cohabit with others. Her 800-square-foot, reddish-brown straw-bale home sits on a gently sloping hill that she shares with 20 people living in nine structures huddled closely together. The residents get their water from the same spring and bathe in the same bathhouse. “This is not an idealistic situation,” she said. “It’s not running away from the world and sticking our head in the sand — it’s reinventing the wheel.”
Image Tom Bailey, 62, has lived at East Wind for nearly 38 years.Credit...George Etheredge Image Angelo Goodreau, 16 months, stands in front of an East Wind building.Credit...George Etheredge Image Channel Salmons, 30, with her Alembic Hydro cell.Credit...George Etheredge Image Maddie sits on top of a woodpile.Credit...George Etheredge IN 2017 BJORN GRINDE and Ranghild Bang Nes, researchers with the Norwegian Institute of Public Health, co-authored a paper on the quality of life among North Americans living in intentional communities. Along with David Sloan Wilson, director of the evolutionary studies program at Binghamton University, and Ian MacDonald, a graduate assistant, they contacted more than 1,000 people living in 174 communities across the U.S. and Canada and asked them to rate their happiness level on the Satisfaction With Life Scale (SWLS), a globally recognized measurement tool. They compared these results to a widely cited 2008 study by the psychologists William Pavot and Ed Diener, which surveyed past studies that used the scale to analyze 31 disparate populations — including Dutch adults, French-Canadian university students and the Inuit of northern Greenland — and discovered that members of intentional communities scored higher than 30 of the 31 groups. Living in an intentional community, the authors concluded, “appears to offer a life less in discord with the nature of being human compared to mainstream society.” They then hypothesized why that might be: “One, social connections; two, sense of meaning; and three, closeness to nature.”
Though many residents of intentional communities are undoubtedly frustrated by climate inaction and mounting economic inequality, others are joining primarily to form stronger social bonds. According to a study published last year by researchers at the University of California San Diego, more than three-quarters of American adults now experience moderate to high levels of loneliness — rates that have more than doubled over the last 50 years. Despite rising housing costs across the country, more Americans are living alone today than ever before. As Boone Wheeler, a 33-year-old member of East Wind, told me, “There are literal health consequences to loneliness: Your quality of life goes down due to lack of community — you will die sooner.”
Last February, Sumner Nichols, a 29-year-old who grew up in Pennsylvania and moved to East Wind four years ago, invited me to visit the community, which was originally established by a group of men and women who had been living at Twin Oaks and decided they wanted to use the knowledge and experience they accumulated to start their own commune. After amassing a handful of followers during stops in Vermont and Massachusetts, the fledgling group eventually settled in the Ozarks because the land was cheap and adjacent to water. The residents, whose commitment to industry has helped ensure East Wind’s longevity, crafted rope hammocks by hand in partnership with Twin Oaks in the 1970s before launching their own jarred nut-butter business in the early 1980s; their products, which are mainly sold across the Midwest, typically gross between $2 million and $3 million annually. All adult members of East Wind must work 35 hours per week in various capacities, whether cooking, gardening, milling lumber, maintaining infrastructure, looking after the animals or working in the manufacturing plant. Because it’s a relatively modest schedule, residents have enough free time to cultivate personal passions: Nichols practices wildlife photography, while other members produce and record music, study herbal medicine and create ceramics using the community kiln.
Even in the dead of winter, the property is stunning, with its undulating textures of ridges, glades and limestone escarpments. It was obvious how living here could reconnect people to the land, letting them hike, climb, swim and harvest in a way that is beyond reach for most Americans. As we passed a three-story dormitory painted Egyptian blue, Nichols told me that, as a college student in the late 2000s, he tumbled down what he calls the “climate change research hole,” reading websites that pored over grim scientific projections about an increasingly warmer planet. He’d joined the Bloomington, Indiana, chapter of the Occupy movement for a while, but saw the blaze of indignation dwindle to fumes without any lasting political victories. Afterward, Nichols felt wholly disillusioned by the corporations and government organizations that he felt had a stranglehold on his life. “It’s going to go how it goes,” he recalled thinking, so “how do you want to live in it?” After discovering several intentional communities online — many find East Wind and others through simple Google searches — he concluded that joining one was “just a more comfortable way of living right now.”
Image Richard “Boone” Wheeler, 33, stands in front of Lick Creek.Credit...George Etheredge Image East Wind Nut Butters’s almond butter.Credit...George Etheredge Image Kendra knitting.Credit...George Etheredge Image Chris Incorvia, 36, sits on a bucket in the community’s auto body shop.Credit...George Etheredge As evening approached, we met several residents who had decided to take advantage of the unseasonably warm weather by gathering at one of East Wind’s “swimming holes” — sandbanks that run alongside Lick Creek and provide easy swimming access. As the setting sun glinted off the gently rippling water, one 31-year-old resident, who goes by the mononym Indo and who had been at East Wind for five and a half years, discussed what brought him to the community: “When I was in Babylon,” he said, using the term members of East Wind half-sarcastically deploy to refer to mainstream society, “all I did was follow economics.” While the residents have similar issues and problems as people outside of an intentional community, he added, here they were free from the cutthroat hierarchies that dominated the broader culture. “Instead of your boss telling you what to do, it turns into a social relationship,” he said. “We’re just reframing it from a different perspective.” Indeed, if there is any sense of romanticism running through the community — one that harks back to Brook Farm’s belief in a daily life in which individual freedoms are more fully realized and moral convictions more faithfully observed — it lies in the notion that none of us, actually, have to be complicit to political, social and economic forces with which we don’t agree.
But unless people are raised in an intentional community or something closely resembling one, they must still find a way to relinquish whatever perch they’ve already carved out for themselves before moving to one of these places. The choice is reminiscent of a line from Henry Thoreau’s “Walden” (1854), in which the Transcendentalist author assures the reader that if he were to follow a more intrepid path, he “will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws will be expanded, and interpreted in his favour in a more liberal sense…. He will live with the license of a higher order of beings.” There will always, however, be the daunting task of letting go.

Hello, and welcome to the Civ 5 Rap Battle Royale, the tournament that always tries to start with 'Hello and welcome to the Civ 5 Rap Battle Royale'! We are now well into the competition, and with Round 2 coming to a close, 16 will become 8 as we progress to Round 3!
If you want to see previous rap battles, recordings and other stuff, head on over to civrapbattleroyale! It's great how you guys are supporting this event, and I hope you stick around to see who our winner is! After this round I need the Judges to send me who they thought won their battles, and by tomorrow hopefully I have the Final 8 posted her on civbattleroyale!
Anyway, on with the show!:
Chile (Atlas_Schmatlas) vs buccaneers (MillinerJones)
Texas (SabyZ) vs Blackfoot (Gresskarpai)
Iceland (Wigmaster999) vs England (admiral_ifan)
Norway (Nestourai) vs Babylon (Mista_Ginger)
Sparta (CAPSSMOCK) vs Ayyubids (Luigiatl)
Persia (JCPoly) vs Yakutia (Funhau5)
Mongolia (wasgoodlilma) vs China (Protroid)
Burma (EmeraldRange) vs Australia (RailroadRider)
JUDGES: Mob_cleaner , Night_Man_ , TPangolin , silence_in_samarkand , Kropenfuer
CHILE VS BUCCANEERS
"Three fucking cheers for the trucking Buccaneers"
Say their loyal pirate fans, but alas, they hold back tears,
Stuck in gears? Have no fear, Chile's here, now have a beer
Hold the rum and spears and listen while we ruin your careers!
You might catch a cold if you're fightin' 'gainst our empire
Stuck in the mud, and you bloody suck, vampire!
Your verses aren't exactly ones that inspire,
And while you want to be a great, your dreams have already expired.
It's safe to say subscriber overboard 'cause Morgan knows--
That loyalty can't be bought with a pirate hat and dough!
Your smarts are wearing thin, but I think you know,
We'll have landships by the time you get your ships to land, ho,
Snap out of MK I, and come back to the present!
I've got a suggestion Mr. Morgan, and I'll try to pleasant:
Listen to Bernardo O'Higgins: e. g. the main event,
And prepare for the winter of your discontent!
Your response to my rap did help ease the tension,
4 days to prepare, and NOT ONE WORD mentioned!
Empty phrases don't faze us -- soldiers, stand at attention!
Now, to set the facts straight, and do away with your pretension.
Your catchphrase is "arrr" but that's a Hollywood invention,
And "lmao" is just a modern convention
Growl and grumble all you want, but I think I should mention
That you're laughing your ass right out of contention!
Most of your subscribers joined your camp on a whim,
But your numbers will dim, 'cause your soldiers can't swim!
Chile's ships are supreme, and your navy is slim
Knockin' on your backdoor, 'cause your chances are grim.
You're never a real contender in any AI game,
It's not TPang's fault -- you've got only yourself to blame
Now I've painted you a picture, this painting needs a name:
Red, White, and Blue, (we've steamrolled you) for Chile's won the game.
TEXAS VS BLACKFOOT
Um, Houston, we have a problem:
Who’s gonna clean this mess up when we’re all done?
Are you Black or a Crow
cuz I really don’t know,
but it really doesn’t matter because this is MY show!
Seriously what’s up with your name?
This is Texas’ rise to fame, but there’s only you to blame
When y’all get struck out of this ballgame!
So don’t mess with Texas, that’s a fact
Any fight with us is completely stacked
Because against Sam Houston, you’ll get out rapped!
When a war is fought against the Texan Nation
we come out on top with the highest population
so y’all better think twice cuz for us this is a vacation
and when this day is told, it’ll be a Texan narration.
Like a little crow you take flight because you don’t wanna lose this fight
but I’ll tell you how it is when you pick a fight with me: unless y’all wanna die you best run and flee!
This battle isn’t fair; no enemies anywhere, but when it comes to blow you really couldn’t bear
the might of the Lone-Star, we go far, we’ll kick your ass on our way to the bar!
My people are fucking like rabbits, you’ve got bad breeding habits:
y’all dropped from the top ten in population like some starving reservation
just not even a nation that’s worth taking note!
You beat our army by 5000 men, but every Texan counts more than ten
and when we defend your rank will descend further than your Mexican friend!
So come at me with all you’ve got, everything that you’ve done we’ve already forgot
so you’ll rot in the north under the Inuit’s weight, so make like the Australians and
“fuck off, mate!”
ICELAND VS ENGLAND
ay yo Iceland
I'm coming to the land of the ice and snowmen,
Army? What army? You've got like no men,
I'll hit you from Scotland with my longbowmen,
You're even more irrelevant than the Romans,
I'm firaxis, sucka, you're not fighting a mod now,
I'm attacking, fucker, I'm not fighting for cod now,
I'm not diplomatic, asking for trade agreements
My tactic is to inflict major bereavements,
You better believe it, I'm a fucking lunatic,
I'm not a little Arctic bitch like Ekheunik
I've got no liking for Vikings, my pikes'll be striking
Whilst you're pathetically fighting with...what? Ice picks?
You'll be the second Atlantic island that I've whipped,
And you know what I did to Ireland was tragic
Rather be crushed now, or later? Take your pick,
But choose quick, before my boys hit Reykjavik,
Greetings Queen ‘Lizbeth, I am your friendly neighbor
It’s about time you come to face the greatest Viking raider
Perhaps you’ll remember in your long lost past
How my Viking fleet left your country thoroughly trashed
For hundreds of years your empire hobbled to survive
While on our spoils we grew rich and started to thrive
What’s that you say? That this is a different situation?
You seem to forget you’re up against a Viking nation
We control Greenland, Iceland, and a killer navy
And everyone knows that 2 more movement doesn’t beat Icelandic bravery
While your people sip tea and mumble posh phrases
A cloud of doom shall rain down on your fancy quivering faces
Once again, we shall leave your towns as piles of rubble
Fight me or not, killing you either way will be no trouble
Seriously 'friendly' Iceland, you want to talk navy?
You want a sea battle with me, are you fucking crazy?
You're happy to take the time to try to diss my rhymes,
You'll pipe down once I arrive with my ships of the line,
They'll soon make your islands mine, they're so bloody elite,
Maybe you should think about just admitting defeat,
Go home, have a sauna, read a saga, relax,
Perhaps you won't notice Reykjavik getting sacked,
I admit you've got a lot of towns, but on the other hand,
You've only got so many cities because no-one wants that land,
Just wait, you'll soon become a minor Arctic rump state,
You'll collapse like your banking sector back in '08,
You want to lord it over Jorvik? Ha, Come and get it,
I'm not even concerned with you, you're so pathetic,
Threatened by France, Ireland, Portugal, but you know what, son?
I've got ninety nine problems but Iceland ain't one.
So here you are again Elizabeth, are you ready for round two?
Because even fanboys saying “remember 1066” isn’t enough to save you
Judging by your first verse you can barely create a rhyme
While each of my verses flows smoothly and perfectly sublime
You say you’ll hit me from Scotland with your puny archer’s bows?
The Irish own more of the isles than you, ya couldn’t hit me if you chose
You may have the small advantage of getting to go first
But that’ll only ensure that your punishment will be the worst
As it stands now, our city count is more than twice yours
And you’re already split in half by the channel, of course
At least you admit that you’re a tea-crazed raving lunatic
So that when I crush you I don’t have to be apologetic
Your pikes and bows have nothing on a whirling battleaxe
And some Robin Hood gear won’t help you face the facts:
Even the French are doing better than your so-called monarchy
And as soon as we set foot on the your isles, it’ll be true anarchy
To save you now, you’d need the aide of TPangolin or some magic trick
But as it stands right now, your lands belong to the great Reykjavik
NORWAY VS BABYLON
Yo Babylon! Get your battle on
‘Cause all you do is watch and prattle on
You’ve hype! We get it; let’s move along
Talk a little bit ‘bout your meta-con
You say you’re big; you say you’re strong
But all you really do is make me yawn
Trapped in a lake in the ice all along,
at the Ass end of the world, where you belong
Nuke sub you say? ‘Kay; let’s discuss
The special circumstances that made it thus
The foundational truss that started this fuss:
You only exist in this game to watch us!
What do you do? Ugh; where to begin
All you got’s an underwater looney bin
We fight and write; slick licks we spin
All you do is watch — so watch us win.
Seems that you’ve quit yammerin’
But then again you quit battlin’
The fans want a rap; they’re clamorin’
So lemme spin a tale ‘bout the Pangolin:
Ever stop and wonder how it came to be
That you got picked to be ‘neath the sea
By grand decree of our referee —
“Babs’ll be the eyes of the bourgeoisie!”
Sixty-three civs and he chose the one
Whom nobody’d miss, to miss out on the fun
While we’re all in bliss, fightin’ under the sun
Go sail your abyss, ‘cause Nebby, you’re done.
Huh? What was that?
Sorry, I was asleep because its just... (Starts rapping)
Too easy to igNorway you,
This battle you will rue.
No way to win,
Lying to yourself 's still a sin.
(Yawns Sorry, still a little sleepy...)
Cause I just took a nap,
Trying to get ready to rap.
Took a little too long,
Your name, Snoreway, ain't wrong.
So far you've done little,
But sit and whittle,
Away my time.
Not even one good rhyme.
Babylon is here to play,
You winning? No way.
So I say bring the Battle,
These lines like a gun I can gattle.
SPARTA VS AYYUBIDS
Hey Ayy, this is mayday
cuz it seems you drew a fuckin' playdate
with a cray jay, whose gon' sautee
your fucking ass, burn it like an ashtray.
So you stay way from my clay, kay?
Vaporize your ass like hair-spray
Imma knock you down like childs-play
like a snow-dame on a hot day!
So vrin vrinn! I gotta engine
in this horse I borrowed from the Trojans
and I'm gonna drive it down to Dvin
and slay the women children and men!
So beep beep! You can't stop me
gotta tight read on this hot beat
in the front seat of this big tree
that I'm drivin' round the fucking red sea!
Face it, you are not an MC
armies softer than fucking brie cheese
and with rhymes to match, so don't you agree
That you'll never be a match for me?
Here before me I find a “King Leo the Young”,
Yet your mere existence was a slip of the tongue.
You spend your days picking flowers,
And yet you think you’re one of the “world powers.”
Your pretend “empire” is doomed to fail,
And the land we’ll conquer from you will be put up for sale.
You conquered land from the Byzantine State,
But you’ve just sped up your attrition rate.
We’ll take your African colony, your coastal lands,
For all of your empire is about to change hands.
With the nations of Rome, Armenia, and the strong Ayyubid Nation,
We’ll give your oppressed people some much-needed liberation.
This battle, you’ve already lost.
We’ll stop your mistake of a “nation” at any cost.
How dare you call me weak? How dare you insult ME?!
I'll crush you, little sheikh, like I did Thermopylae!
Never ever would I ever think a thing you say is clever
Put me up against whomever and I'll smash their hopes forever!
Ranks on ranks of hardened men will crush your precious fighters then
Be home in time to pen some rhymes and crush you weaklings yet again!
You think I'm fucking playing, friend!?
I do not break, I do not bend,
Let's not pretend you can contend,
You're out of time, you're at your end!
These rhymes I've penned transcend the trend
You can't hold on, you can't defend,
So you best close your eyes and bend
And prepare your fat rear end!
I don’t even know how you got to this level,
Since after this victory I’m going to revel.
You do know that Sparta didn’t even exist during the Trojan War?
But no, back then your King Leo was taking his time in a flower store.
This alleged “army” of yours is clearly fake,
Otherwise we wouldn’t be eating through your cities like cake.
We’re coming for the Aegean, the Adriatic,
And I’m sorry to say this loss for you will be quite traumatic.
The trumpets of war sound,
And the Ayyubid Empire will span the world around.
We’ll march from Cairo to Greece,
Then we’ll sack your cities and take your mythical “Golden Fleece”.
You haven’t even touched my home land,
And I think you’ll agree your losses are getting out of hand.
This is the last verse you’ll write,
But your chances of winning weren’t even all right.
You never were a serious contender,
And now it’s time for you to surrender.
PERSIA VS YAKUTIA
The Persians are hot, while the yaks are just cold.
Just face it now, guys, we're the empire of gold.
What's the matter you yaks?
Are you all snowed in?
Cuz your AI is as crippled
As if I kicked it in the shin
The Yakuts are just brutes
Who haven't done shit
They're digging themselves into a bottomless pit.
There's one picture of you in every single album
But from what I've seen and heard, there's never an outcome.
You're just kinda there, not doin anything soon
The only time you're productive is once in a blue moon!
Now learn from round 1, I always finish strong,
So enjoy yourself now, no worry, it won't be long.
What's up, JCPoly? My name is Funhau5, of the Yaks,
And you're about to suffer from my next verbal attacks.
Round 1 against Japan was just me testing the water,
But, now, I'm gonna hit you with some lyrical manslaughter.
Or how about man's laughter? Cuz that's what I'll be hearing after
You declare a war and it becomes your own disaster.
Darius is slacking. He really needs to start attacking,
and if he doesn't do it soon, it'll be his fudge that they're packing.
You're out-teched, incompetent, and starting to look like China.
How many more immortals can you pull out of your vagina?
Why don't you ask the Trung Sisters if they have any tips
On how to fight a war with your fat pussy lips?
Yes, that was vulgar. It was pretty damn rude,
And I have some other things that I would like to exude,
But friendship with Persians is definitely not one of them,
Cuz Darius has five cities, and all I do is make fun of him.
Nah man, our pussy's pretty big, but it ain't as big as yours,
It goes so deep you should start giving tours!
Based on the fact that your only a faction,
It would probably be the ALL the Khans biggest attraction. (+2tourisim)
Hey turtle, bro, don't take it too hard,
You've dug your self too deep, you need a Saint Bernard.
And even that might not work, it's just too late to recover
Even with Indiana Jones, you'd never be discovered.
You live in tundra, where people never sweat
We be chillin in the sand while you accumulating debt
We got the gold, the mountains, and the immortals so sweet
Guy, just Give up now, we got you beat
The whole goal of the game is to stand the test of time,
Where as you, poor yaks, can't even stand my sick rhyme.
"The Persians are hot, while the Yaks are just cold?"
Dude, what are you, like, six-years-old?
If anything, I would think the Persians are mild,
Because it seems like their first verse was made by a child.
You do, for some reason, have something to say,
About how our empire chooses to play.
You make it sound like we can only delay,
But you'll have to speak up; there's a Great Wall in the way.
When's the last time you read back to Part 5?
I stumbled upon it in my Great Library's archives,
And, ever since then, you've been mentioned just thrice,
You captured one, shitty city, and now you're giving advice?
Well, here's a news flash: you're success is not gonna last,
I can't wait for Afghanistan to munch on that ass.
And, if you come at me again with something Dr. Seuss shitted,
Be aware that I already have your fucking noose fitted.
MONGOLIA VS CHINA
NOWHERE LEFT TO RUN, KHAN
HORSEMAN I GOT YOU CORNERED
SPITTING THE SICKEST NEW SHIT
ITS A GREAT RAPPING LEAP FORWARD
BARBARIAN HORDES AT MY GATE
HORSES SHITTING ON MY LAWN
DIDN'T YOU SEE THE WALL?
YOU STEPPED TO THE WRONG HAN
YOU THINK YOU KNOW STRENGTH
BUT THIS IS BRAINS OVER BRAWN
I'M MORE SISKO THAN KIRK
YOU WON'T CATCH ME SCREAMING KHAN!
NOW WE MARCH TO YOUR CITIES
MEET WITH A WARM RECEPTION
I GOT RESPECT FOR ALL MY FOES
BUT YOU'RE THE EXCEPTION
BURMA VS AUSTRALIA
Hah! Burma? We gonna burn ya,
Gonna leave this battle in an urn, ya.
You got no room to expand! Go and start a band,
With Vietnam, Champa, Sri Lanka, set up in Bagan!
Soon, When we roll through Rangoon,
All we gonna leave is runes.
We'll need our diggers, To dig the graves Of you
Burmese Piggers, when we roll through.
In what little land You have,
looks like you got Thailand!
Soon to be My Land, When we get there,
Gonna take no prisoners, Don't need no Khmer.
Coz that's just what this country needs,
A peacock, In a frock, On a rock.
If your rap was supposed to bring me pain
I think Australia's gone a little insane
You're a RailroadRider with no hype train
Cuz your ancestors came to 'straya in chains
Call yourself a continent? You're just a big fat island
Watch us conquer you like we conquered Thailand
I use complex references with a hint of appropriate banter
Your culture's an utter failure, according to Burmese standards
We have our own measurements, fuck the imperial and the metric systems
Watch your words when you rap against the stronkest Indochinese kingdom
You're a pussy 'Straya, tried to break off from Britain throgh diplomacy
We fought four wars, they only won one and we still drove out the Japanese
Then we banned the use of English, but that's still your official language
Why's the Union Jack in your flag, let go of your colonial heritage
Even useless Cham pirates come to Sydney to plunder
Your hype train has sunk, it's gone down and under
So unimportant, mob_cleaner put you out in the comments
'Straya has many fans compensating for its incompetence
You may second in the rankings, but you're losing to the First Nation
Your city placements are wacky, Parkes needs more concentration
Before you chide us for being turtles, utilise the mirror and look at yourself
It's gauranteed, the Kimberley will be fighting for their continental shelf
Please call me Peacock, cuz you'll make me Burmese Royalty
Australia are you kidding me with that measly attack on the Philippines?
This is domination only and Anawratha's the great general
An average writer, Parkes died before 'Straya became federal
In these parts, Parkes parked in the parks
And missed out on Uluru cuz you were all bark.
Your rap is long but devoid of meaning
There's simply something wrong with your rhyme scheming
Don't use these words if you don't know how to pronounce them
Khmer and "you lie" rhyme. Your lie simply denounced them
You're all bark and no bite; politicians can't win this fight
Grab a torchlight; we fight through the night 'till you're out of sight
We'll squeeze you tight and expand borders beyond the Burmese kite.
Our fans easy to excite. Fear our military might cuz it delivers you strife
Burma's culture whoring is Australian tourism's kryptonite

EDIT: Full Link Available Now http://imgur.com/a/mwF3Q#0
-Older Entries:
What I have so far:

• Main Link (Only intro available, unless you subscribe, full article is what I'm requesting): http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2014/03/31/140331fa_fact_mcgrath

Kobe Bryant and a business associate have a running bet on the staying power of the pop stars Katy Perry and Justin Bieber. Bryant, who wears self-discipline like a badge, has long favored the more predictable Perry’s odds, and found in Bieber’s recent tabloid episodes hints of a looming implosion: talent spurned. As he and the associate walked into the dining room at the Four Seasons, in downtown Miami, in late January, the associate, a Belieber, mentioned that Bryant had been giving him a hard time about it for years. He seemed almost ready to concede. That morning, elsewhere in Miami, Bieber had been caught drag racing and booked for driving under the influence.
Bryant was a child star, too. In 1996, fourteen years before LeBron James earned infamy by announcing, “I’m going to take my talents to South Beach,” young Kobe stroked his chin theatrically for the cameras in the gymnasium at Lower Merion High School, outside Philadelphia. “I’ve decided to skip college and take my talent to the N.B.A.,” he said, with a pair of shades perched above his brow and a thin mustache sprouting above his upper lip. He had reason to be cocky: Lower Merion’s games attracted ticket scalpers. A few weeks later, he took the singer Brandy to his senior prom. He needed his parents to co-sign his first contract with the Los Angeles Lakers, that summer, and he was still living with them when, the following February, he won the slam-dunk contest at the N.B.A. All-Star weekend.
Bryant is now thirty-five, and staying power is seldom far from his mind. The Lakers, a fading dynasty, were in town to play James’s Miami Heat, ascendant royalty. The night before, Bryant had attended a college game between Duke, a school he once considered attending, and the University of Miami, and had the “very humbling experience,” as he put it, of hearing his name chanted by the student crowd. Bryant has logged more N.B.A. minutes, including the post-season, than all active players, and ranks fifth in the all-time clock punchers’ leaderboard. Very few of those minutes have come lately. Last April, in the fourth quarter of a game against the Golden State Warriors, Bryant ruptured his left Achilles tendon. He told me that the pain was so immediately intense that it was as if someone were holding a blowtorch to the back of his head, but his first instinct was to try yanking the recoiling tendon back down with his fingers. He then insisted on taking his foul shots—both of which he made, in spite of precarious balance, tying the game—before limping to the locker room, acquiescing to surgery, and vowing to rehab more quickly than anyone believed possible. The same Achilles injury ended the career of Isiah Thomas. Only Dominique Wilkins recovered from it well enough to remain an All-Star. Wilkins was two years younger than Bryant at the time of his hobbling, and had pestled the joints in his knees, elbows, and ankles for about half as many minutes.''

• Source: http://www.laobserved.com/archive/2014/03/the_new_yorker_profiles_t.php

In the new issue the New Yorker, Ben McGrath interviews Kobe Bryant and explores "the twilight of Bryant’s legendary basketball career, and considers what retirement may look like for one of the league’s most talented, and most polarizing, players." From the magazine's flackage on the piece: Kobe Bryant is in what he calls “the last chapter” of his career.
“Twenty years is a long time, man,” Bryant tells McGrath, adding that he is “fairly certain” that, when his contract expires in the summer of 2016, he’ll be done with professional play. Insisting that last season, before he suffered a debilitating injury to his Achilles tendon, “was the best basketball I’ve played in my entire career,” Bryant has vowed to defy skeptics, with a strong finish. “The thing that I think people don’t understand when they talk about Father Time, and they look at my injuries,” he says, is “they’re equating that to others who have come before me.” The next challenge lies in “doing something that a majority of people think that us athletes can’t do, which is retire and be great at something else,” Bryant says, adding, “Giorgio Armani didn’t start Armani until he was forty. Forty! There’s such a life ahead.” Bryant continues: “I get questions all the time: ‘What are you going to do when you retire?’ As if I had no life, no talent outside of playing basketball. It absolutely drives me crazy. ‘You just going to golf all day?’ I’m, like, ‘No. Who the fuck said that?’ It’s maddening.”
Mitch Kupchak, the Lakers’ general manager, tells McGrath that he’d love for Bryant to one day be a coach, “just to try it for a year, whether it’s at the D-league level, or if his daughters play high-school basketball. And then, like, everything will crystallize to him—like, Holy mackerel! What was I thinking?”
Phil Jackson, the on-again, off-again coach who is responsible for all five of the Lakers’ recent championships, tells McGrath, in the midst of a dismal season, Bryant “just wants to play for something,” adding, “He doesn’t want a farewell tour for Kobe Bryant.”

• Source: http://twitter.com/SerenaWinters

Phil Jackson said "It'll be a little bit of a relief to get away." "Even the spectre of my being around is difficult."
Magic on Kobe: "He spoiled us big time, this dude. Now we're seeing what might happen when he's gone in two years."
This cracked me up, Jeanie Buss to @mcgrathben "If somebody makes Phil mad, I'll be, like, 'Watch out for the Gray Mamba!'
Young on Kobe: "Everybody says he's an a**hole & all that. He is. But he's -- he's a good one, for some reason, you know?"
(Not sure of context) Kobe continued: "I've never worked so hard in my life to prepare for a game…But the results were irrefutable."
Kobe on Shaq: "It used to drive me crazy that he was so lazy."
More Kobe on Shaq: "You got to have the responsibility of working every single day. You can't skate through sh--."

• Source: http://twitter.com/SherwoodStrauss/status/447982954103312384

Kobe in the New Yorker piece, talking Richard Sherman and "the ugliness of greatness"
''That was the ugliness of greatness,'' he said. ''That's what that is to me.'' Then, speaking in the language of a marketing case study, he went on, ''What Sherman represents is something bigger than a kid from Compton that went to Stanford, that's an All-Pro cornerback.'' Alluding to Larry Bird, he said, ''It speaks to the same kid from French Lick, Indiana, that's a Hall of Famer, playing for the Boston Celtics, you know what I mean?''
EDIT: Still looking for the rest of the article, this is the bulk but not all, thinking it's most of it.